Epilepsy A Stigmatism Created
I know for a fact that my girlfriend broke up with me because of my Epilepsy and the Seizures caused by it. Although she will never admit it. I could see the strain it created. I could feel the gap between us widening. In hindsight, I cannot blame her for not wanting to endure my illness. She as a person had no handicaps or disabilities of her own. So what do genuine people account for in today’s society?
I sat helplessly and watched myself go from an asset to liability all within one diagnosis. I learned fast that I could be depended on but had no one I could depend on in return. Before I was much better evaluated and much less dependent. To start having Seizures in the middle of a relationship allowed me to witness, the stigmatism of Epilepsy.
Shortly after all of my friends and associates quickly followed suit. No one wanted to do business with someone who could fall out and start having convulsions, which happened on more than one occasion. I could not just hang out anymore as I used to with friends. For me to hang out now would take special accommodations from my friends. They mostly took the “its easier just to stay away approach” and did just that. The irony of it all is that I made it personal. Being in such a new world with a disability while also having to live in the current one was one of the most overwhelming times of my life. I mean there were still everyday situations that required my attention as well as my moderate to long-term goals in had yet to attain. Suddenly I had to incorporate a lifestyle filled with doctors, specialist, Labs, test, results. I had to become a guinea pig initially as Anti-Seizure medication effects everyone differently, and the only way to find the one most suitable for you is by trial and error. Although I thought I could handle this sudden influx into my life. I found out soon enough that I could not. The assessment of my new condition would require much more time and resources than I had allotted for. And life does not wait for me to get all these things in a neat little package and then get them all to work in harmony, I wish.
I began to feel as though something was wrong with me not in the physical sense as this was obvious but in a psychological sense. These Seizures had made me someone else and I before anyone could have to accept that fact. The fact that I would have to take medication for the rest of my life in itself hit me almost harder than anything else. Beforehand I was a health-oriented person that didn’t take medicine so to speak. I opted for the Vitamins and Minerals the excellent stuff from the Earth. A naturalist would be the best way to describe my pre-epileptic life since I exercised regularly and ate healthy natural organic prepared “Home-Cooked” meals. My doctor deemed me as being exceptionally Healthy and fit for my age. Then the Seizures started.
In conclusion, I would like to say the stigmatism of being disabled was far easier to deal with than the stigmatism thrust upon you by others. No one will ever come right out and tell ” Your disability makes me uncomfortable therefore I think it best if we disassociate” It will instead be the cover over in a neat white lie that I believed. Only now after years of therapy and many life-changing sacrifices have I learned to no longer take it personally. It is other people fears and ignorance, not mine. So my advice to anyone that is a handicap or has some disability would be not to take it personally. Learn and accept your self and let the rest of the world figure out what to do with their ignorance and insecurities.